Lou can no longer be reached at the address or phone number previously listed here.
Attractive younger women* kept showing up with babies they claimed belonged to Lou.
The papparazzi got to be a never-ending pain in the ass.
The local cops got tired of putting intruders in the slammer.
The moat was starting to suffer from all the spent shotgun pellets.
Every winter, half the alligators in there would freeze to death.
Fresh-killed meat for the pit bulls was increasingly hard to get.
SEAL Team SIX had to leave when they were called out to take care of Bin Laden.
The bodyguards wanted to break off from the Teamsters and form their own union.
The NSA, CIA and FBI had WAY too many taps on Lou's phone lines.
Innocent visitors got tired of being questioned and intimidated by men in black.
So Lou joined the witness protection program, got an unlisted ZIP Code, and took his address off his web site.
* They are ALL attractive, and at Lou's age, they are almost all quite a bit younger.